Recent conversations with Mom

So recently, I mentioned to my Mom how we tend to be marginalized by our kids.

Especially when they reach a certain age..like teenagers and then grown adults..

but my opinion is it starts around 2 to 3 years old.

She said write something about it, so I am..

I figure it will be good therapy and maybe even make amends for when I marginalized her.

And she did to her Mom as well.

Dad's get marginalized too but someone else can write that blog.

So here I am middle mentalpause age, kids married, kids on their own, still got a teenager around and I'm trying to figure out my new roles.

For women our roles seem to be changing all the time. Notice I said roles because a woman is never living just one role.

I find the role of nurturing Mom the most satisfying though sacrificing.

I am pretty much done with that role because my youngest is a TEENAGER.

He is right in the middle of that breaking free and finding out who he is apart from his parents.

When our kids are young, we are content to be the nurturer Mom... By nature we serve and sacrifice and love and give, that's great when you are raising small children.

But how to switch gears and turn into a hands off, only slightly interested Mom has been entirely another ball of wax for me.

I used to think I adapted well but it's a whole new dance when they go off to college or get married.

I've seen it in my sisters , I've seen it in my friends..there is almost a wounding that occurs and maybe it's necessary but "ouch "it's painful.

I don't believe it's intentional in any way. It starts usually around the teen years, all of a sudden they doubt what you say, marginalize you as old school..and roll their eyes when you try and give them advice.

The choice we have when faced with this is to lecture( I have done this) or roll with it and pretend it doesn't matter,( done that too) or be honest with a "Hey I'm a person too!"

For some reason I didn't think my Mom had feelings except being irritated with us crazy siblings.

I didn't consider how I could be hurting her after I grew up and pretty much said by my actions, Buzz off, I'll let you know if I need you.

Even though I needed to separate and cling to my husband , still, I wonder is there a better way to do the dance?

I spent a couple years greiving when my youngest daughter got married..I know, I know..silly.

I love my son -in - law but he was, in a sense, the death of my relationship with my daughter the way it had been. No Longer was I her confidant, her helper, her provider...that was healthy but I wasn't prepared for my reaction to it.

This alien man swooped in and swooped her away...The poor fella ,I didn't make it entirely easy for him, on the other hand she was young and I didn't know him from Jack the ripper.:)

But it was good for her to detach from the family and Mom..she feels things deeply, she is the middle child and they tend to take on whatever stress the family is going through.

I have a autoimmune disease and she worried about me, worried about arguements between hubby and me..and internalized it all..to the point that she had an eating disorder.

I missed the signs, missed the clues..ME! The MOM..sigh..Man, you have to die to yourself and be humble..because here we are to protect, love and nurture our kids..and we miss something as big as that.

Whatever busyness or pain i was in..I wish I had disconnected from me and opened my eyes wider..and slowed down and spent more time just hanging out and listening.

Don't get me wrong..I am an awesome Mom , my daughter and I love each other dearly.

I think we're even closer that we were before she was married.

And I found out my son in law isn't an alien after all, he is a sweetheart and he now is my son.

Well ,I have lots more thoughts and feelings, but this is getting way too long...

What do you think? Do any of these experiences sound like something familiar? Any words of advice ? or do you need words of encouragement? let me know and join me on this crazy new phase of a Mom's life.