Menopause Mood Madness...

Sometimes I feel like Sigourney Weaver in Aliens...

Surges of emotions come from nowhere, kind of like the aliens that rip out of her and her colleague's chests.

After I act or react on my emotions, i feel like I'm almost drugged.

I am finding that acting or reacting is a very bad idea indeed.

For one thing, it is similar to drinking too much,

you say things you would never dream of saying , the next morning you can't believe you said that.

Perhaps the hormones and lack of them act like a depressant on our emotions.'

like alcohol, after all alcohol is a depressant...

Anyhow that's just my theory,

Ever since Eve blew it in the garden,

we women have had to suffer things, men won't even come close to understanding.

Things seems exaggerated, lots of silly drama one minute and perfectly fine the next.

A huge feeling of love for my kids and husband one day and feeling of outrage the next day..Goodness..

Thank God I know what this is, or I might check myself into the looney bin.

Lately I've be wondering will I get through this stage of life without alienating everyone I love?

Do you think anyone would notice if I stayed in my room for as many years as it takes to regain my emotional well being.

I think my grandmother used to come home from working and go straight to her bedroom

and close the blinds and the windows..

I am afraid perhaps I take after her.

Some weeks I feel like it's PMS every day.

I have always struggled with severe PMS and take meds for it.

But this is a whole new animal..and it ain't a sweet little lamb..

Well, I'm looking into a new doc just for the whole menopause thing.

I have an autoimmune disease so I can't take any hormones that might lessen the effects.

It would increase my risk of stroke which is already high.

But I'm wondering if the creams would be ok to use.

I'll let you know.

One thing that is helping somewhat for the chills, hot flashes & sweats is Estroven from Walgreen's.

It has black cohosh in it and it really makes a difference.

One of the most disturbing symptoms is palpitations,

I actually had a echo of my heart because we weren't sure what was going on and with lupus it can be anything.

But they haven't been so bad lately and after reading up on menopause, it actually is another common symptom.

The crazy thing is I am already feeling like Rodney Dangerfield with my kids..

( I get no respect)

and with me acting so erratic.

well, they really aren't going to respect me.

I can only hope that someday they will understand,

luckily my husband is a very patient guy.

If you can exercise vigorously i believe that would help the symptoms diminish.

I have bad knees , so vigorous exercise is out. I am looking for a warm pool to swim in though..

That may be, at least, a partial answer..

I have to get over my vanity though to put on a swimsuit..

Like anyone is even gonna look...:)

I just don't want them to run screaming when they see all the cellulite...LOL

One last thought that should be the first thought, is to pray more often and spend more time in the word and listening to praise or worship music.

It has a way of focusing us and reminding us that God loves us.

The music lifts our spirits and since depression can be a big part of menopause ,

it can be a mood lifter.

To those of you who have gotten through this crazy time of life and survived it, share your wisdom.

What worked, what didn't..How long did it last for you?

that's all for now.

Good Night .

The other side of the coin

My last post I talked about what it can be like releasing older children and the feelings it uncovers.

Fortunately or unfortunately I remember what it was like to be newly married and have a baby soon after.

I remember being highly insulted that my mother in law thought I couldn't handle raising my daughter without her constant advice.

I still remember her mocking me when I said i was not going to give my baby any sugar.

The first time they came to see the baby she promptly walked to the crib and took off her booties and told me they were too tight.

They weren't, and that was very disrespectful to treat me that way.

But as i was a new daughter in law, she also was a new Mother in law..

We just don't practice for these new roles.

We are driving blind when we head into these transitions.

My mom was more gentle , so she was helpful.

But I still was irked many times when my parents freely told me what I should do.

But though I was young , 22 to be exact ,I was a competent adult.

Something goes on with parents and kids for decades.

If a parent tells you a bit of advice,

you tend to feel insulted as if they are questioning your intelligence.

On the other hand, another older person may offer the same advice

and it's easy to accept from them.

I'm not saying unasked for advice is correct..

it's just is easier to take from someone who you have no life investment in.

Someone you don't even care what their opinion is of you.

I can still remember my grandparents telling my dad how to prune his tree,

later on after they left I heard my dad say something like:

"'Im 30 years old don't they think I know how to prune a tree?"

For some reason our parents telling us things when we are adults,

makes us feel like they are thinking we are incompetent.

Like we are too dumb to figure this out for ourselves.

Of course, I know now that's not what we're thinking.

As a parent I find myself offering advice all too often.

Doing the very same thing that irked me.

It's like a force of habit.

I mentally have to chasten myself and say something like this ,

" You did it again, you hated that, you know darn well that they are grown up,

let them do things their way unless they ask for your advice."

My intentions aren't bad but misguided,

I don't want to let go of a role I have grown to feel comfortable with.

But it's time to move on, affirm and encourage them without being parental, somehow.

This is not easy and I'm not saying I'm doing great with it ,

but with practice perhaps things will get smoother.

You have to bite your tongue, and stop typing the emails, or texting and worrying.

If I had bit my tongue all the times I gave unasked for advice,

i do not believe I would have even half a tongue left.

If my value as a parent or a Mom is all I am,

then I am going to have a difficult time transitioning.

If I remember God gives me value as a person created in His image ,

I will have an easier time accepting my kids independence from me.

Not only that ,I can begin to enjoy the new adventure God has for me .

Before I started having kids I was a poet, a composer and a writer.

I spent hours playing my guitar.

But when you have babies, as you know, there is not much time left for you.

You put your needs aside to sacrifice for your child's needs.

As your kids get older you'd think you 'd have more time for yourself ,

but you still are the 24/7 parent.

That sense of responsibility ,crucial to being a good parent,

never lets you really relax emotionally for years.

In fact your kids are still your kids forever.

But the roles change...that's another blog.

I think it will get easier letting go,

I hope my kids can continue to give me grace as I am new at this.

It was hard to deal with being a new Mom with well meaning parents undermining my parenting skills.

And it seems equally hard being that parent

and trusting that you have raised your child right.

It all boils down to TRUST and releasing our kids to God.

My dependency on God has gone deeper..and needs to continue to go deeper.

Now it's time for me to discover gifts that have been hidden and enjoy more relaxing times with my mate.

I still have a teen at home so my work is not done yet.

I look forward to the last few years I have with him.

I'm going to work on my friendships that I didn't have much time to cultivate before.

Join or begin a women's bible study with gals that are going through similar transitions.

I'll still be here if my older kids want to chat or visit..

I hope to cultivate more of a friendship role with them if possible.

But God has taken care of them thus far and I know He

will continue to take care of them long after I'm gone.

Well, as usual, I rambled on and on..if you made it this far.

How are you handling this part of life?

Recent conversations with Mom

So recently, I mentioned to my Mom how we tend to be marginalized by our kids.

Especially when they reach a certain age..like teenagers and then grown adults..

but my opinion is it starts around 2 to 3 years old.

She said write something about it, so I am..

I figure it will be good therapy and maybe even make amends for when I marginalized her.

And she did to her Mom as well.

Dad's get marginalized too but someone else can write that blog.

So here I am middle mentalpause age, kids married, kids on their own, still got a teenager around and I'm trying to figure out my new roles.

For women our roles seem to be changing all the time. Notice I said roles because a woman is never living just one role.

I find the role of nurturing Mom the most satisfying though sacrificing.

I am pretty much done with that role because my youngest is a TEENAGER.

He is right in the middle of that breaking free and finding out who he is apart from his parents.

When our kids are young, we are content to be the nurturer Mom... By nature we serve and sacrifice and love and give, that's great when you are raising small children.

But how to switch gears and turn into a hands off, only slightly interested Mom has been entirely another ball of wax for me.

I used to think I adapted well but it's a whole new dance when they go off to college or get married.

I've seen it in my sisters , I've seen it in my friends..there is almost a wounding that occurs and maybe it's necessary but "ouch "it's painful.

I don't believe it's intentional in any way. It starts usually around the teen years, all of a sudden they doubt what you say, marginalize you as old school..and roll their eyes when you try and give them advice.

The choice we have when faced with this is to lecture( I have done this) or roll with it and pretend it doesn't matter,( done that too) or be honest with a "Hey I'm a person too!"

For some reason I didn't think my Mom had feelings except being irritated with us crazy siblings.

I didn't consider how I could be hurting her after I grew up and pretty much said by my actions, Buzz off, I'll let you know if I need you.

Even though I needed to separate and cling to my husband , still, I wonder is there a better way to do the dance?

I spent a couple years greiving when my youngest daughter got married..I know, I know..silly.

I love my son -in - law but he was, in a sense, the death of my relationship with my daughter the way it had been. No Longer was I her confidant, her helper, her provider...that was healthy but I wasn't prepared for my reaction to it.

This alien man swooped in and swooped her away...The poor fella ,I didn't make it entirely easy for him, on the other hand she was young and I didn't know him from Jack the ripper.:)

But it was good for her to detach from the family and Mom..she feels things deeply, she is the middle child and they tend to take on whatever stress the family is going through.

I have a autoimmune disease and she worried about me, worried about arguements between hubby and me..and internalized it all..to the point that she had an eating disorder.

I missed the signs, missed the clues..ME! The MOM..sigh..Man, you have to die to yourself and be humble..because here we are to protect, love and nurture our kids..and we miss something as big as that.

Whatever busyness or pain i was in..I wish I had disconnected from me and opened my eyes wider..and slowed down and spent more time just hanging out and listening.

Don't get me wrong..I am an awesome Mom , my daughter and I love each other dearly.

I think we're even closer that we were before she was married.

And I found out my son in law isn't an alien after all, he is a sweetheart and he now is my son.

Well ,I have lots more thoughts and feelings, but this is getting way too long...

What do you think? Do any of these experiences sound like something familiar? Any words of advice ? or do you need words of encouragement? let me know and join me on this crazy new phase of a Mom's life.